Us Vs. Zooey: I Have Baby Farm Animals On My Checks, Bitch.

Note to the reader: We are those girls. And by “those girls,” we mean Lizzy Caplan’s character, the kind of the girls who don’t really like other girls. Especially not girls like Jess. Neither of us have “rocked a lot of polka dots” since our mothers stopped dressing us.

This means, essentially, that we aren’t the audience for this episode. But that doesn’t stop us from appreciating the situational humor. Abby even feels a little sorry for Jess because of how mean Julia is. Lauren, heartless as she is, does not.

Lizzy Caplan and Zooey Deschanel in this week's episode of FOX's "New Girl."

Lizzy/Julia/Janis Ian is Jess’s counterpart, and they certainly couldn’t have done a better job of showing off their differences. In an alternate universe, Julia could have her own show, which we would watch. She would actually “think like a guy” and wouldn’t secretly scheme just like all the other girls, because she would actually be the protagonist of that show. In this show, however, we have to cheer for Jess—the show is called New Girl, after all. This means that Julia has to be kind of a bitch. So she schemes and Nick is taken aback, and we can see that maybe Jess is the one we should be cheering for. After all, there’s only enough “crying space” for one girl on this show.

Julia’s antagonizing leads to Cece being a “real” best friend for basically the first time. Her attacks on Julia necessitate a comparison to Santana from “Glee,” and we loved it. Before this we had been told about the friendship between Jess and Cece, but they never seemed very similar. In fact, if anything, Cece seemed a bit like Julia. Here, however, we see Cece proudly don Jess’s ribbon hat which is, quite literally, made out of ribbons.

However, because we are the Julia-ish girls, we still loved the boys’ humor more in this episode. In fact, this episode cemented our position that Jess will never be the reason to watch this show. Without the banter between Schmidt and Nick, and even a little “sophisticated man” dancing from Winston, we wouldn’t really have enjoyed the episode. Because really, what’s life without a good argument about washing your towels. “Do you wash a bar of soap?”

We’re pretty sure Lizzy Kaplan is leaving soon, and Jess already had a boyfriend who didn’t stick around, so maybe we’ll see Jess and Nick get a chance. We’re still pretty sure that’s where this is going, because Jess (unlike Julia) could never live with three guys just because she likes hanging out with guys.

“I will be putting my dehumidifier and my towel in my room, where nothing ever gets wet.”

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2 thoughts on “Us Vs. Zooey: I Have Baby Farm Animals On My Checks, Bitch.

  1. Julia is just… boring. know why? she is EVERY GENERIC ONE OF THE GUYS LADETTES IN EVERY SINGLE BOOK, MOVIE, COMIC, AND TV SHOW MADE… ever. Katharine Hepburn, Jo March, Joan Jett, Princess Merida, Hermione, Punky Brewster, Xena, Toph, Faith, Angelina, etc. That sadly isn’t the beginning, either.

    Zooey’s “everquirk” (that’s patented, btw) is annoying and old (though now people are finally tiring of it so maybe she won’t be as shoved in my face as before) but I love love LOVE that Jess is so feminine. I cant begin to explain how sick I am of generic, boy-in-a-female-body ladettes being constantly portrayed as the “good”, capable, intelligent, talented, likable tomboys who cant get along with women and it is NOT their fault. it’s not her fault she refuses to make friends with her own gender, it’s all those OTHER women’s faults, you hear me? THEIR’S.

    Jess proudly stands before our hideously male-centered, tomboy-worshipping society in her cute retro pokla dot dresses, cupcake in each hand (with a bit of glitter on them) in starkm unapologetic contrast to the common, ho-hum, anything-men-can-do-I-can-do-better, ball-busting boy-girls who are terrified of their own femininity and thus, reject it with the cattiness they generalize all women but themselves (naturally!) if having- mostly the girly girls. in fact, the girlier you are than a tomboy, the more of a useless, stupid, boy-crazy hobag you must be.

    and not scheme? are you joking? then where would the plot be? oh, wait, it wouldnt, because Julia is Emma Everygirl and her plots would be some bland mixture of Murphy Brown’s, Faith’s, Daria’s, and, oh, every other main female character to have her own show…. ever. However, I do love the contrast between them. while since it’s just a sitcom it will naturally not be that realistic, Julia’s snarky, defensive attitude toward Jess and Jess’ Eternal Optimistic one towards Julia (at least most of the time) is actually way more realistic than the whole Regina-vs-Janis-Ian thing (yes, I can’t help but remember Janis thanks to Lizzy here). that is how it’s always portrayed in the media. what’s wrong with, just once, showing it differently (and how it happens more irl)? it might annoy you for not showing what you want but what’s it hurting?

    that’s why Jess, old as the QUIRK is, is so very refreshing and actually kinda nice to see as the one we root for. come on- why don’t you let the feminine ladies shine, just this once? she gets crapped on a lot anyway.

  2. This blog post is so self satisfied and stereotypical. What’s the point of applying and internalizing the silly judgements make about “feminity” and subjecting other women to it? This just reeks of seeking approval. Obviously you’re a much better woman for being “one of the guys”. Whatever

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