Us Vs. Zooey: What Are You Like, A Bond Villain? You Just Told Me Your Whole Plan.

This week on New Girl, Justin Long came back and brought with him a whole slew of sex insecurities for Jess. Unfortunately, Long wasn’t able to bring much comedic relief with him, leaving Zooey and the boys to do the heavy lifting. Thankfully, the boys have enough sexual insecurities of their own to make the episode without the help of the increasingly generic Paul.

"Your charmingly dorky overalls make me forget how to be funny!"

It seems to us like if the show is committed to bringing on a guest star of Long’s caliber, they should use him more effectively. Any actor off the street could have played Paul in this episode with very little difference. We’ve seen that Justin and Zooey can create plenty of that awkward humor together, but this week it was all on Zooey.

When Jess’s insecurities lead to her ask the boys for sex tips, it opens a can of worms that is comedic gold for a show like this. Winston and Schmidt think that Nick is bad at sex, dating back to the age of 16 when he lost his virginity and said, “Winston, is it OK that I didn’t get my pants all the way off?” This is only compounded by Schmidt’s description of the college years. “It was like listening to a rescue crew try to communicate with a stranded miner.” While Nick tries to convince everyone he’s not “bad at sex,” Winston and Schmidt get competitive about who’s the best. (Look at that character consistency though, guys–Winston is competitive. At handbells and at sex!)

Eventually Jess gets real advice (aka the heartfelt part of the episode) from Nick and Winston. Winston is better at communicating it, further setting up sexual tension between Nick and Jess. Poor Nick can barely be in the room while Jess talks about sex. We can tell this is going somewhere good.

We want to give props to New Girl for continuing character development in minor ways even while Zooey whirls through the main attraction of the show in mesh bikinis and hipster glasses. Nick’s weird insecurities clearly range far beyond sex as he stresses about getting a haircut, and Schmidt wants to be included at the office so badly that he gets himself invited to, that’s right, a baby shower. Schmidt is, we have to admit, at his best when he is pitted against women–even if those women aren’t Cece.

Speaking of poor Cece, the girl was barely in this episode, making a quick appearance as if to tease us about just how funny she could be in this situation. What could be funnier than the sexually confident character on this show coming by the apartment to taunt all of these poor boys?

And then, after all this talk of normalcy in the bedroom, Jess and Paul have their first time in…an elevator? Man, she really did learn everything she knows from the Clinton impeachment trial.

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